A lot of us are afraid of our own anger. That emotion that can lead us to do horrific things. The energy just under the surface, fearful if we really let it out, we would do something that would hurt someone we care about. So, we stuff it down. We live with it day in, and day out. We avoid setting boundaries or telling someone no. God forbid if we state what our needs are. But anger is actually a really healthy emotion, especially after we learn how to feel it in a healthy way.
My relationship with anger has changed quite a bit over the years.
Phase 1 – I was born into this lifetime with my empathic sensitivities. But, I was dropped into a family dynamic that did not embrace these traits. The only emotion that was really accepted in my youth was anger. So, I took that shit and I ran with it. I took the anger of my family and I amplified it. I took the anger of my upbringing and made it my own. I lived on the edge of just snapping for decades. I was pissed off by everyone and everything. I was annoyed by people, bosses, friends, and partners. I had no idea how to deal with my emotions or what my triggers were, so I oftentimes found myself acting in ways I had zero control over. I hated this about myself. When I would snap, it would feel good for a moment to finally stand up for myself and say how I was really feeling. In a way I felt powerful to rip someone a new one. But then the guilt and shame would kick in. I would ask myself over and over again what was wrong with me that I couldn’t control my shit.
Phase 2 – I started my spiritual journey. Yoga, mediation and my healing journey helped me to process a TON of old crap. This allowed me to be calmer, more focused, happier and less annoyed by life. I developed healthier boundaries and stopped taking on the negative energy of others. I started loving myself more and putting up with less from people who weren’t able to treat me well. In general, I was just bothered less and less by things. I really was happy most of the time. But then when I did get angry, I started down Shame Blvd. again. I was spiritual now, how could I possibly be angry?
Phase 3 – Balance. As in all other things, we must find balance. That happy medium that doesn’t force us to be one thing all the time. Yes, even if you are spiritual, you are still “allowed” to get angry. You are allowed to be a nice person and be annoyed, frustrated or downright pissed off. Even if the reason seems stupid to someone else. I still have my triggers (although they hold less and less power over me). I can still have crummy boundaries when I’m tired that don’t allow me to separate someone else feelings from my own. But I feel much better now, recognizing and processing anger. I honor my feelings. I honor anger as the indicator it’s meant to be.
Anger is an important emotion that tells us many things.
1. When our boundaries are being crossed or pushed
2. When we need to take action
3. It can show us patterns of expectation that we have in our relationships
4. It can show us where we need to vacate a situation that isn’t good for us anymore
5. where we need to focus on forgiving someone or ourselves for past mistakes
Learning to process your anger in a healthy way is the answer, not shutting it down completely. You are not a douche for getting triggered. You are not an asshole for getting mad at the guy who cut you off in traffic. We are responsible for our actions when we are angry, but trying to close it off actually makes it worse. When you shut off one emotion, you shut them all off to a degree. Until you learn to accept, integrate and heal anger, you may never truly be able to feel the full level of joy that is possible. We are human beings and we are meant to experience all emotions. Perhaps at some point in our evolution, we will be past all that, but for now, it is here. Learn to deal with it. Learn to process it and let that shit go. But please, do not let it stay inside of you, robbing your joy. As someone who did it for many years, it just ain’t worth it. And I promise you, it’s so much sunnier on the other side.
Love ya’ll. Robin