How to ask for help so you can stop trying to do it all alone
Sometimes our greatest strengths can also be our greatest challenges. For me, this comes by way of my almost lifelong pattern of needing to be uber independent and not feel like I need anyone else's help. I'm sure there are lots of reasons for this old belief, maybe something I partially inherited from my parents or perhaps just because I am hard wired that way, but I do know it was showing up very strongly and affecting me in huge ways.
As I started to uncover this pattern, I found some deeply held beliefs that kept me from allowing myself to be supported. These are some of the gems that showed up.....
1) If I needed help, I wasn't doing enough
2) I couldn't trust people to help me
3) I didn't have needs
4) I didn't deserve to be supported
5) I was putting others out by asking for help or relying on them
6) and plenty of other shit based on ancestral trauma and patterns, I'm sure :)
Anyway, as I started healing my relationships with others, I realized that by not recognizing my needs and allowing others to support me, I was doing a disservice not only to myself but also to those who love me. As people, it feels good to show up in service to those we love. We feel lit up, important, and valued as we give.
Signs you are not allowing yourself to be supported
1) you never take time for yourself, or you do so only after you check on everyone else
2) you feel resentful or unappreciated
3) you often feel tired, and burned out
4) you go out of your way to do most things yourself
If this sounds like you and you would actually like to begin to receive the love and support from your friends, family, other loved ones, but also the Universe, it's simple but maybe not easy. I promise with intention, humility and repetition you will become a pro at recognizing your needs, using your voice to ask for them and then allowing yourself to receive said support.
1) pay attention to small needs you have that feel like low hanging fruit. When we are creating a new habit, it can be important to start small and build consistency. For example, start to notice how you would rather kill yourself balancing 8 million things in your hands while you use your foot to open a door. You know I'm talking to you right now.
2) Notice how you feel as you recognize the need. Does it feel like something simple for you to work on? Something that is a low-triggering item for me is going to be a high-trigger item for someone else. Pick that small easy thing first. If someone says no or is not able to help you, you don't want to re-trigger yourself and give your ego proof as to why you never ask for help.
3) Practice on your own first or with someone you trust. This could look like asking your sweet ole grandpa to get the door for you. Or perhaps you still hold all of the shit in your hands, but you imagine that you asked someone to get the door. Strangers can also be easier sometimes than asking someone close to you. Again, you know yourself and you know your sensitive points. Take the easiest route, especially in the beginning.
4) Do this activity over and over again until you feel strong, confident and secure in the recognition of the need, the voicing of it, and the receiving of said assistance.
5) Hit me up and tell me how it worked for you!
I hope you begin to heal this very isolating pattern in your life. I promise it feels so good to be supported and to notice all the people in your life that love and appreicate you. You deserve it, you are worthy, you are loved.
Peace out, Robin.
Spiritual CFO in da house