When we are the recipient of someone’s perceived jerky actions, there is always an emotional reason behind their actions and our response to them. Most of the time, it is fear. The challenge is that since it is also mirroring back to us things we need to work on, we are often triggered. Right away, we want to step into victim mode. When we get triggered, our natural response is to respond in kind, from a place of anger and/or fear. Below is how I work through things on my own and also with my clients. By learning how to pause, process your emotions and discuss what your truth is, your relationships will greatly be improved. Trust me, if my once hot-headed ass can do it, so can you.
1) Take a deep breath. Don’t respond. That’s right, close the laptop or the phone, physically walk away from the person, place and/or situation and take a break. Do something physical if you are angry to transmute the energy.
2) Journal or process what the situation is triggering in you. Get clear on what you are feeling, be pissy if you need to. Go ahead, be petty and be a jerk, let it all out. Play the victim, and gripe about what a jerk the other person is. Go balls to the walls. Burn it when you’re done. Nobody wants that energy floating around or even worse, the other person to find it 😊
3) If you need additional time to process, talk to a trusted friend about the situation, STILL be pissy if you need to. Schedule time with them and let them know what the conversation is about so they are prepared and can hold space for you. Tell them thank you when you’re done. Write down any additional insights that come to you.
Try not to talk to a BUNCH of people about it. As a Gemini, I can still be guilty of this because a lot of how I process is verbally. But when we talk about the situation with an intention other than healing, all we’re doing is spreading the ill will. Most of the time, our motivation is to get people to support our side and tell us we’re right. It takes a real kinda friend to call you on your **it.
4) By this point, the emotional charge should be gone on your end. If it’s not, do some more processing. Be like that nineties song and start back at one.
5) Send love, compassion, and positivity to the situation. Envision what you want the relationship to look like in the future after you move past this challenge.
6) Talk to the person about your feelings. If you feel like talking would not be a good idea, considering the current state of energy, write an email or note to them with an offer to discuss further. Make sure the energy is compassionate, loving and the focus is about explaining your feelings and your perception. Do not blame or accuse. Reread it before you send it. Maybe even wait to send it, just to be sure your energy is coming from the desire to resolve and not escalate. I can’t tell you how many times in my past this would have saved me.
7) Surrender it to God, knowing that all will be healed. Ask for assistance to see the situation or person differently. Ask if you can learn any additional insights from the situation. Say thank you and release it like a little love (proverbial) letter into the sky.
I am not even kidding, if I am able to do this, you can too. I used to be so quick to react in the moment, many times putting my entire foot in my mouth. I am not perfect though, so now maybe it’s just a pinky toe. We learn in baby steps, so it’s good to give ourselves grace and space for where we are. You wouldn’t expect your 5-year-old to know the same stuff your 10-year-old does. Funnily enough, we are like the little ones when we are triggered, so my analogy ain’t that far off. Know that we will continue to do better as we know better.
Some of you may be asking yourself, “I’ve taken the high road with ole’ Tom-Bob and he still is acting the same way.” Yea, that can still be a thing sometimes. As we begin to learn and grow, sometimes we will stop resonating with certain people, places and situations.
1) Know that this is normal. Don’t judge yourself for having discernment. The two feel worlds apart though, so make sure you’re clear on where you energetically stand. A great book if you’re struggling with this is, “Judgment Detox” by Gabby Bernstein.
2) Try to reduce the amount of time you have to interact with the person.
3) Every time you do interact with the person, make sure you are feeling your best. Send lots of love to them, you and the situation.
Above all else – remember, we are all doing our best. Everyone is good at their core, even if their triggers are making them giant a-holes in the moment.
Love ya’ll bunches.