If anyone had told me I would be where I am right now in life, I would have laughed in their face. I mean, it’s not a bad place, it’s just not where I expected myself to end up. So, we have to go back a little bit for you to understand what I mean. To give you some perspective, I once had someone tell me I popped out of the womb responsible. It was actually something I very deeply prided myself on. I grew up in home that possessed an odd combination of chaos and structure. As the fifth child of six, I found the way I shined my brightest was to try to be as “perfect” as I possibly could. This entailed overachieving in school, work and home. Since my family had enough chaos, I wanted to be as quiet and invisible as possible while also doing everything I could to please my parents. I did the American dream stuff – A/B honor roll, dual enrollment courses, graduated early. And I actually got pretty lucky and guessed at my education and career choice. At a complete whim, I decided I would go to college and major in Business Administration. Although I absolutely hated Accounting in school, I loved the practical application of this magical science. This love of numbers and finance progressed me through various jobs and careers, finally landing me at a software company in my dream job. It was what I said I always wanted – working from home, no dress code, flexibility, and a salary of $100k a year. There was just one huge honking problem – I HATED IT.
How could I hate the very job I had manifested for myself? For the most part, it was the cushiest thing I had ever experienced at a job. For the four years I was there, most of my bosses were pretty cool, allowing me to work independently, the work was fairly easy, I had flexibility, shit – I could even work from my bed in my pj’s if I was having a shitty day. Oh! And, they implemented unlimited days off a few years into the gig. But it was absolutely sucking my soul dry. Why?
Well, right when I started the job, my spiritual awakening was kicking off. Good ole dark night of the soul kind of shit. Which was super amazing that I could work from home and not have people all up in my physical space as I was purging and growing. I was allowed to work and get my stuff done without a boss nagging me or dumping more shit on me. But part of the healing process is that you start to wake up to your real purpose on this Earth. For me, I started to learn how to do energy work, read tarot, I studied astrology and became a life coach. I learned, I grew, and I completely transformed. I even went back and got my MBA during this time period (it’s hard to kill the overachiever in me 😊). As a complete shocker to me, I started my own business. Which was pretty damned funny because I used to marvel at entrepreneurs and think how I could never do that. I thought I was a steady paycheck kind of gal.
I wanted to leave hard core for about a year but if I’m honest, I don’t really ever think I felt great there. So much of my insecurity was being kicked up and I thought I was a complete idiot because I just couldn’t be engaged as hard as I tried. Here I was around all of these geeky tech types, I missed being around my finance world where I felt a level of comfort. It got pretty obvious March of this year that I wouldn’t be there much longer. My anxiety and pure lack of drive to do anything more than my base job got pretty strong. Then I felt really bad about it and would beat myself up over it. The pimple was def getting ready to pop. My big plan was to create a huge savings account and build up my business enough that I could safely make the transition at my ego’s discretion. The challenge is that my soul was like, “get me the fuck outta here and now!!”.
So, I prayed about it, like every day for a few months. Finally, I felt like it was time. There was a project at work that our team would be spearheading, and I just realized I could not do it anymore. I couldn’t do the project or the corporate goals or the faking it anymore. After much processing, I decided to leave in June of this year. Y’all, I ain’t gonna lie – that shit was hard as fuck. Not only was I giving up my main source of income, but I was also giving up part of my identity. See, I didn’t know how much of me I had identified with being the successful corporate girl.
Here I am 6 months after taking the big leap. Business is booming, I’m making $200K a year, I’m happy satisfied, calm and relaxed. BAHHHHHH, not so much. See, the little overly optimistic part of me expected this to be my reality. Afterall, the universe wanted me to leave and do my dream work, right? And surely 6 months is long enough to grow a thriving biz. I was helping others and I was doing the bidding of the light!!!! It had to work out. And it is, just not in my way. I’m thankful that business is growing but it is in no way replacing the income I lost from leaving the corporate gig. Since I left the corporate grind, I’ve tried a few things. I cashed out some stocks, took some time off, got a PT job, and did some house sitting. Then, I realized I had completely swung myself from one side of the pendulum to the other side. The PT gig, housesitting and my stuff wasn’t enough to cover my bills. So, I decided to stop and reevaluate again. I cashed out some more retirement accounts, even though that was scary as hell. But I’m surrendering and trusting in ways I never thought possible. Part of me thinks about getting another job and the other part of me is screaming that I will do no such thing. We’ll see which part of me wins out 😊
So, you may be asking, “was it all worth it?”. The answer is yes. But I am not going to sugar coat it for you either, this shit is hard y’all. I’ve worked through a lot of the fear and anxiety around it but some days I can go down the rabbit hole and see myself living on the streets. In this drastic reality, I’ve lost everything, my car, my house, my self-respect and my status. I’m not valuable or worthy anymore because I don’t have all these things that society says make me valuable. And also, what I valued myself at for a long time. I used to think so much of my worth came from achieving, but I’m learning that this is a giant lie fed to us by the machine. But honestly, the biggest motivator for me to make the shift is that I couldn’t see myself at 80 years old, thinking “what if”. I decided I would rather fail doing what I love than to never really try at all.
I know many of you are currently going through this awakening. Your soul is waking up and wants to be heard, damnit! You soul’s purpose is struggling and striving to be expressed. Your gifts are coming online, and you want to be of service. These are things I really love helping my clients with. It’s kinda funny right, the things we live through and grow from, we end up helping others with. I can share with you how I’ve moved through different blockages and restraints. I can share with you how you can do the same in your life.
Either way, if you work with me or someone else, I want you to know – you’re not alone, you will be provided for, the Universe will support and guide you. I appreciate you being here with me. Best of luck finding your soul’s work. You’ll know when you do.
Love and light and all that shit, Robin