So, I have a secret – I’ve always been really jealous of other people. Whether it was the way a person looked, their abilities, their car, their job, you name it I could probably compare myself to someone else and find myself lacking. The flip side of this is that I would find ways to make myself feel better by being better than other people. The common denominator between these two patterns is that I was never centered in who I am, or proud of my own accomplishments and abilities. The things I was good at, all came really easily to me, so I never recognized that I had done anything difficult. Instead, I was always comparing myself to this idea of some perfect person I envisioned.
Along my journey of awakening, I’ve taken this trait and just shifted the methods and purpose of being perfect. If I could just heal everything NOW, I would be perfect, ok and good. Even though I knew logically this wasn’t the case, internally I was still running the same old pattern. I had to be smart, funny, kind, compassionate, confident, strong, secure in my femininity, successful, yada, yada, yada. But even worse, I had to be all these things all the time. I was not supposed to have a bad day or struggle with something. I always felt like something was wrong with me. I saw others who had gotten to the embodied what I wanted so very badly and felt this deep disappointment in myself. Instead of being uplifted by their progress, I felt like a failure, a complete **ck-up. I would tell myself, “you’ll never get there, they have x,y, and z and you don’t.”
The shitty thing about technology is that it gives us all a really easy method to compare ourselves to others and then shame ourselves when we don’t measure up. When happiness and success seem to be measured by someone’s number of followers, friends, or likes we can forget that EVERYONE faces challenges in their lives. We forget that a five second snapshot of some joyful moment does not mean there is not pain and suffering that we can’t see. So, how do we move past this shitty comparison game that no one wins at? Here’s some quick tips I’ve used to help me work through my own jealousy:
Acknowledge that you are jealous and recognize it’s normal. Try not to judge it too much because that just makes you feel more like poop.
Sit with the feeling. Journal about it, talk about it to a good friend, or a counselor. Just really take a good, hard look at the feeling.
Recognize what it is about that person, place or situation makes you feel less than.
Ask yourself if this is something you want to take the time to work towards.
Notice the good traits you have and accomplishments you have made in your life.
Develop and cultivate a habit or hobby that makes you feel strong and capable.
When we take the time to shed light on our fears, inadequacies, and perceived faults we actually begin to take away their power. The other great thing to know is that instead of being diminished from someone’s accomplishments, we should be uplifted. I mean, in most things, if someone else can do it so can you. For many of us the issue is that we fail before we even start, because we never try. We convince ourselves that person has something we don’t and that’s why they were able to succeed. We don’t see the years of struggle or effort that was required. We simply see the end point and assume that we’re incapable of accomplishing it. I’m here to tell you that you can do anything you put your mind to. You are beautiful, capable, strong, kind and good. You deserve a puppy, a partner that loves and cherishes you, a job you are excited to wake up to everyday and all the chocolate you want. In short, you are AMAZEBALLS 😊
Love ya’ll bunches.