The space between faith and fear.

I’ve done a lot of work over the last few decades to calm my nervous system and not be so reactive. Growing up in a chaotic space and being so sensitive to others energy and emotions left me feeling all over the place. I had

to learn to keep my energy centered even as chaos was happening around me. Nowadays typically I’m able to catch myself when I start to feel off-balance and have lots of tools to help recenter me.

But the last year or so I’ve had a situation in my life that has been triggering the shit out of me. Something that no matter what angle I look at it, has been creating really deep fear in my mind. The confusing part is that my soul and my heart tell me over and over again that I am safe and there’s nothing to fear.

The trigger has been completely throwing me out of whack. My very sense of safety and security has been blown to shit. This has created a lot of not so graceful moments. I know that responding from that place is not what I want and not sustainable, but so many times I couldn’t control it, the fear was just so strong and visceral. That voice in my head telling me it’s all gonna go to shit, combined with old trauma in my body that is still being released, has made it really hard to stay present and calm. The back-and-forth between emotions and energetic states has left me feeling tired, sad and confused. And to be honest, rather ashamed of myself at times.

And it's not like I haven't been trying to work on the pattern, but it has seemed like this unmovable force at times. Which has created more frustration, sadness and guilt. Ugh, it's annoying just writing about it, lol.

But because I believe in the power of growth and spirituality, I keep going. I listen to my intuition when it tells me I need to try a different healer or modality. I allow myself to feel the feelings of defeat and sadness, but I keep pushing because I have seen how perseverance and consistency changes us from the inside out.

So, I don’t know what it is that you might be going through right now, but if you're reading this, I would imagine you might be experiencing similar challenges. How do I know that you might ask? Well, when I post these, I do so with the intention that anyone who needs to read them might find them. But also, because these kinds of feelings are normal when we are on a growth path. And shit, so often I'm writing these to myself as well so it's kinda selfishness on my part too. Sometimes I just need to hear that everything is going to get better. I just sit down and allow these little channeled nuggets that I also need to hear from the Universe.

So, I'm here to tell you that things will change for you. Have faith. Even when it seems you’re climbing a ridiculous mountain and all the things you’re doing aren’t working, I promise you they are. Millimeter by millimeter you are reaching that desire that you have. Things are shifting. YOU are shifting and evolving.

A friend reminded me recently that many times right before the breakthrough, things look like a complete shit show. You might be stuck in feelings of defeat and self-doubt. Maybe things just feel completely hopeless. But I promise you, things will get better, so keep going, I see you and all the work you’re putting in. Remember that you are supported, you are loved, you are held, you can do it. I believe in you. You are the bees knees, rock on yo!