About 10 years ago, I worked with a girl who was very strong in her faith with God. To be honest, I was really intrigued by it, and wanted it for myself but honestly, I didn't even know if such a thing was possible for me. I had always believed in God but just in a general kinda way. We didn't really hang out or chat at this point. And, I didn't really get what this faith would look like on the practical day to day level. So, I probably contemplated out loud that I wanted this for myself. At the time, I didn't know shit about manifesting or creating my reality, so I was pretty clueless that I was asking the Universe to provide this magical trust and faith in a higher power. And I may not have asked had I know what it might take to get me there.
A few years after this encounter, I was thrust upon my conscious spiritual journey and started to cultivate this relationship with God. So, let me just explain to those of you who don't know this about me, I tend to use some terms in a fairly interchangeable way when I'm talking about a higher power. For me, God, Universe, and Spirit kinda mean the same thing to me. It's this energy that is bigger than all of us, that is directing the show of life. I believe this energy (whatever you choose to call it), loves us and wants the best for us. It is listening, wants to talk, wants to help us to become more loving and better versions of ourselves. It wants us to love and accept ourselves. It wants us to enjoy this thing called life. And maybe, most importantly, it wants to co-create life with us, not dictate to us what we must do.
Over the last decade, I learned to trust this force more and more. It started out small with maybe going to a new mediation group or taking a certain day off. But I'm not gonna lie, as a recovering perfectionist, this was really hard for me. I was so nervous about making the "wrong" decision. I was afraid the sky was going to crash over my head and my life would be ruined if I decided the wrong thing. Honestly, I'm not even sure what I really thought would happen, I just knew I had a lot of fear and anxiety around this perceived right or wrong thing. A few big things I was led to do were selling my townhouse and quitting my cushy corporate job. The smaller things didn't really require a ton of explanation but some of the larger ones did just because I didn't get it myself. I mean, trying to explain to people that I was selling a townhouse because I had a conversation with God, or my angels was a bit challenging. In a way I thought I might be losing my shit, I can only imagine what others thought when I shared these tidbits.
For me, my old relationship dynamic with the Big Guy in the sky, had me thinking that I had to make the "right" decision in all things. I thought that God was testing me to make sure I was learning and integrating all the things. I would get these signs that something needed to shift in my life, and I would be in analysis paralysis a lot of the time, trying to figure out what I needed to do. I just NEEDED to figure out that all elusive right answer. The interesting thing for me is when I started to work with my clients, I noticed that a lot of us struggle with this. I started to see how this phenomenon was deeply engrained in our collective consciousness. I also started to see how sometimes it's easier to think that we don't have a choice in life and our decisons.
I think a lot of it can be traced back to religion and how we treated our connection with Source during the Piscean Age. Sometimes, when we think of God, we can have this image of this power that doesn't really care about our feelings or desires. We might learn through religion that we are dirty, sinners, or powerless to the bigger picture of life. That we are being thrown about by this all-powerful force that wants us to suck it up and to be good now, so we can be rewarded after we die. But as I connected more and more with co-creation, and God, and my life and my choices, I began to see that there is so much freedom and free will for a reason. It's kinda like those old books we read as kids. You know, the ones where you got to the end of the chapter and as the reader, you got to choose where you were going. (Based on what I've shared with you, you may not be surprised to know that this also created anxiety in me as a child, LOL.)
What it boils down to, is that these choices, are just experiences that we get to have. Yes, some may take us further or closer to our joy, our abundance or our power. But they can also just be things that we learn from. They can be a happy afternoon we found ourselves enjoying doing nothing but putzing around. They can be a lover we have for a few months, or a car we bought until we found out it was a POS. So, instead of judging these decisions or condemning ourselves, we can just look at the opportunity we had to expand our understanding. The bigger picture is that our soul is enriched because we diverted from our normal path to try something new. So, you might be asking how to decide in the moment. Some things that have helped me are....
1) FEEL what each of your options are like in your body. Notice the sensations, the facial expressions, etc. Sometimes when it's a real "no" for me, I can actually feel myself frowning. When it's a strong "yes", I smile like I just won the lotto.
2) If you can't decide, just pick one and go with it. You can always course correct if needed. Like, just because you told Auntie Sue that she could stay with you doesn't mean that you can't tell her ass to go if you change your mind or it's just not working.
3) Be okay with disappointing others. Yea, sometimes we say yes or no just because we're trying to people please. The more you can practice having boundaries and knowing what your needs are this will get easier with time.
4) Let all your choices simmer a bit before jumping into anything. You can even do something on a trial basis. Like, just be honest and say, "I'm not 100% sure, I need some time to see how this feels IRL".
If you are really struggling with this pattern, is it possible there are some subconscious patterns or beliefs that are running the show that we could look at in a 1x1 session. Don't be afraid to get support from me or another healer to work on rewiring this stuff. You should be able to feel confident and secure in making choices, even if you determine them to be wrong at a later date. Remember - it's just feedback. We learn, we grow, we evolve. Nothing is a wasted experience.
Loves y'all. Robin, your Spiritual CFO