My entire life I have wanted to succeed, to grow, to learn, to be constantly expanding. When I left my corporate job two years ago, I didn't realize I was going to be killing an old version of me. That old version was almost obsessed with success as a way to make myself feel valuable and worthy. For various reasons, I felt like success was the way for me to gain that respect and validation I craved at a very deep level.
Although astrology is my main boo, I have dabbled a bit in understanding Human Design after a friend prompted me to do so. In Astrology, I have my Saturn in Virgo, which is a fucking task master. It says, "you're not doing enough, it's not good enough, you need to keep going, going, going". Interestingly enough, in Human Design, my energy type is that of Projector. From my understanding and studies, Projector energy is a bit more in flow and allowing than forcing. The healthy shadow or theme of Projectors is "success" and the unhealthy shadow or not-self theme is "bitterness". In fact, I have read that success is something that is an inherent trait in us Projectors.
So, here I find myself to not be succeeding (at least in the way my ego thinks it should be), and I have all these things telling me just how successful and prosperous I am. Honestly, it's enough to make me want to throw an elephant across the Sahara. (Don't worry, I wouldn't abuse a sweet little elephant). But I have been experiencing very deep frustration and annoyance that the universe can't just bend to my will and allow me to be the over achiever once again. And although, I know this is part of my journey and my healing, the surrender piece is still something I'm working on.
On my walk this morning, I decided to switch my mindset and to look at all the ways I have succeeded.
*I have a beautiful home
*I have a rad dog that I love
*I have a community of awesome people to lean on
*I got up this morning and went for an hour walk
*I have kept my business open for 4 years and have continued to increase my revenue each year
*My taxes are done for 2022 :)
*My dishes are done
*I get to dance each week!
*I'm typing this blog post
*You get the point........Success can be found in many things
It might sound silly or frivolous to focus on my dishes being done, but it's all about mindset and perspective. I would say for some of us, even more so, like for those of us that success is a vital part of our blueprint. Success isn't what society says it needs to be or what's in your bank account, or how many Lambos you have. Success can be that you got your kids up this morning and gave them a healthy fun breakfast. Or if you are helping your elderly parent, maybe you helped them to feel seen or heard today.
Changing our mindset to focus on everything that IS working, gives us the energy and the drive to keep moving forward. Cause y'all, if I focus on everything that I think is not working or all the ways I don't have success, it just makes me want to give up.
Loves y'all and thanks for being here. Appreciate you! Robin, Your Spiritual CFO