For me, being on a lifelong growth path means that at times I am moving through different themes of what I am working on. Sometimes I guess it can be multiple things but when I look back on my life, but there is usually one that has stood out at any given time. If I had to guess what I’m learning right now, I would say surrender and trust are coming forward on a fairly deep level.
During an earlier stage in my life, I was very focused on where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do. I set a goal and put my mind to it and the Universe seemed to support me in getting there with a little bit of magic to help me. And this isn’t to say that things weren’t challenging or that I didn’t have to put in lots of work but it really did seem to be that simple in some ways. Decide – work – accomplish. In hindsight, a lot of this was out of alignment in some ways because I was operating from ego and what I thought I needed in life to be validated and loved. My childhood reinforced a belief I had that in order to be loved, seen and validated, I needed to accomplish. So, for years, I worked and worked and worked and eventually I burned myself out and had what some might call a mid-life crisis during my mid to late 30’s and early 40’s. I just started to notice what my life looked like and what I was spending my previous energy on.
During these years, I wasn’t really accomplishing much. To others I’m sure it seemed I still was but I just didn’t have that internal drive like I used to. My life and how I moved through it was def changing. Part of this process was made manifest when I decided to leave my corporate job. I had an idea for why I thought this was happening but again it seemed the Universe had other ideas. I went through a few years where it seemed like everything, I tried to exert my personal will upon, was just not happening. No matter how much I pushed and moved forward, using my old techniques to bend reality to my will, not a lot was actually happening externally.
But oh! Internally was a different story. During those years, I was growing, healing, and expanding and coming into the real me in a way I didn’t even know was possible. I started to understand and acknowledge the things that were really important to me – family, love, helping others, fun, joy, travel and adventure. I still wanted success on some level, but my view of it changed at a core level. I wanted to be successful at doing what my soul was calling me towards. I wanted to work so I could play and explore and have freedom of movement in my life. I no longer wanted to be trapped in the old systems that can ensnare so many of us. Even though it was hard and frustrating to not have that external “success” I was used to, the lack of energy being directed there, helped me to go inward to find the real success and treasure of my soul.
Just like little building blocks, the last 10 years of deep, intentional spiritual growth has led me to the current phase I’m in. Coming back to that simple but complex to navigate, concept of “surrender”. It just sounds so easy, right? I would even hear spiritual teachers say how simple it was and I wanted to shake them and demand that they make it easier for me to understand or stop feeding me bullshit. There had to be something I was missing. No matter what I did, I just couldn’t seem to tame the surrender thing. But as the Universe is apt to do while we are on the hamster wheel, it was giving me small lessons in letting go and surrendering. For me, so much of my desire to exert my personal will is because in childhood I didn’t feel like I had one.
During the new rewiring of my energy, I started to see how little was actually in our control to begin with. We try to manifest and try to direct life, but really, we are just along for the ride. Life is happening, things are unfolding that were set into motion long before our insignificant human existence. And I don’t mean that in a bad way. I just mean that in the blink of an eye, our lives are over in a minute when we look the whole of time and evolution. Why would we ever think that we were able to change, coerce or move the trajectory of circumstances that were set into motion so long ago? And as I began to see and understand this, it actually created more freedom and trust than I have ever experienced.
Now I could stop making everything about me. My ego was always telling me, “this situation is happening because you did or didn’t do something you were supposed to. Or, you made the wrong choice, that is why this is happening to you.” Looking back, I see how ridiculous and ego-centric that belief is. But also, how many of us have bought that lie. I started to understand at a deep core level that we really are guided and protected by something so much bigger than ourselves. And I believe that this something, no matter what you call it, always has our best interests at heart. Even when your life looks and feels different than you would have desired, it is still in a roundabout way, leading you towards what your SOUL craves. This faith and trust that I’m continuing to develop feels really good and allows me to take the pressure off of myself to do or get things “right”.
My free will is then aligned with divine will so that I can channel my energy with the collective flow which feels so amazing and so much easier. Instead of small drop of water fighting against the ocean, I instead become a part of it and move in a way that is powerful, intentional and peaceful yet exciting.
If you were led here today, I would imagine that maybe you’re looking for answers or wondering why your life doesn’t look the way that you might have envisioned. I’m here to offer some parting words of support for you. You haven’t done anything wrong. You are right on track. Things are unfolding in ways and avenues more beautiful and amazing than you could ever have dreamed. Keep your head up and focus on the people, places and things in your life that bring you joy, delight and ease. Let go of the old illusion of control. And here’s a tip – even if you don’t know how to do that, just acknowledging that is powerful. Take a moment to say to your higher power, “I don’t know how to surrender, please show me how”. I promise you, the Universe will deliver the insights and clarity you are searching for. You are loved and seen and appreciated. Keep on keeping on.
Much love, Robin.
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