Something that I had been hearing along my spiritual journey, is this notion that we are all connected energetically. When I was struggling during ANOTHER dark night of the soul, my guides and angels would tell me how much I was helping people just by doing my own work. Like, all of this spiritual work and healing that I'm doing or that you're doing is so much bigger than we realize. For instance, when I heal my issues around jealousy, boundaries, or whatever - I am actually creating a ripple effect of healing that moves through the collective consciousness. So, as with most things, it is one thing to logically understand this, versus when we gain a deeper energetic knowing of this.
Even though I was hesitant to do a group Ayahuasca ceremony, the universe gently guided me to one in February of this year (2023). During the ceremony, I learned so many amazing things. But one thing that really became a deep knowing for me is this concept of "when one of us heals, we all heal". We were in ceremony and there was a very masculine dude there. At one point, he was purging big time. I could feel with my spidey senses how challenging this process was for him. I could see the weight of what he was moving through. I could see how him healing his toxic masculinity was affecting me on so many levels.
Let me share with you a little about my own relationship to toxic masculinity. Although my dad was a great dude, he was probably one of the poster children for toxic masculinity. He was raised in the 50's and 60's by an alcoholic father and was later in the Marines. It was a lot of machoism. My dad had a lot of great and gentle qualities but through circumstance, conditioning, and genetic wiring, he became a mostly closed off man who didn't know how to deal with his emotions and learned to lean on alcohol. And I think he struggled with really honoring feminine energy. My dad was great in so many ways, and did his best to protect us, but even how he communicated to us about men was really confusing. I remember my dad, the main masculine figure in my life, telling us that you couldn't trust men. So, for a long time, I didn't. I noticed all the things that were wrong with men. I noticed all the unhealthy things about men and subsequently, attracted lots of men that I couldn't trust.
Sitting there in the ceremony and seeing this large strong man brought to his knees by this powerful feminine energy, I was humbled. Mother Aya told me, just take it in. Allow his healing to sink into your energy and your vibration. She told me, really see how this is happening on an energetic space, and open yourself up to it. I was able to listen and hear and I was able to benefit from his healing. And in hindsight, it was probably healing for him on a variety of levels as well. I imagine it was super powerful for him to be seen by the feminine in his vulnerability and weakness. Seeing him struggle with the weight of what he had done in his past but facing it anyway was so very healing for my own wound.
As you continue to move forward on your journey, I invite you to remember that even though at times, it may feel as if you are alone on this journey, you are guided, loved, supported, and you are making such a difference both for yourself and the world. Yes, even the days where you can't get out of bed because you're so exhausted from all the shadow work, the days you're crying your eyes out because you've seen your patterns and had to face the darkness. Remember - You are a fucking warrior of light. You are everything. You are the stars, and the solution and the answer. You are not alone, even when the illusion tries to convince you otherwise.
Much love, Robin your Spiritual CFO
