In my spiritual journey, I have found myself going between extremes as I learned to embody different spiritual truths. One of these has been going from control to surrender. As a recovering control enthusiast, I really quite sucked at trusting that the Universe had everything under its divine order. For many years I felt like I had to micromanage every little aspect of my life. But over time, I began to swing my pendulum to the other side and at times, I found myself in an almost extreme case of surrender. This was further exaserbated when I learned that I was a Projector in Human Design. For purposes of this little story, the main thing you need to know is that in a very literal translation, Projectors are meant to wait for invitations. For a while, this kept me hiding and not really putting myself out there, all the while waiting for someone else to give me the go ahead. Talk about complete surrender.
And just in general, the differences between surrender and manifesting (aka cocreation) has given me much food for thought. I have looked back on my journey and seen times where I was trying to manifest something that didn't come into my life. But so often, we hear in the spiritual world that we are mirror images of our creator and that we can manifest ANYTHING we want. Which is just not logically possible. Like, if I wanted to become a 6' tall man, that is probably not gonna happne. We are bombarded with information about how to manifest better and with more ease, while on the flipside we are told to surrender. It's an area that can have lots of conflicting information. And, can make us feel like we are doing something wrong if our life doesn't look like we think it should.
I believe in a very general sense, that we are always driven my Spirit and our higher selves to want to heal. I also believe that we are meant to have SOME specific experiences and some RANDOM experiences. We are meant to enjoy life and in some instances we can cocreate freely. However, I also believe that there are some things that Spirit will not allow us to bring into the physical. Either because it would be too much of a detriment to our journey, or the absence of the thing is actually where the growth happens.
Take for instance, when I was in my Twin Flame journey a few years back. I felt this strong connection with a guy who was in my life for a fairly short period of time. However, I wanted him BAD. For a while, I really thought he was my divine partner. I was reading all the things and learning to manifest and was getting pretty damn good at it. But no matter what I did, no matter how hard I manifested, he just wasn't coming over to play on my team. It was infuriating if I'm totally honest. But over time, I realized that the lessons from our connection were much more potent if he wasn't in my physical reality. Without him even being in my life anymore, I learned about energetic boundaries, I healed a lot of my abandonment wound, I learned acceptance, I released control, and the list goes on and on. If the Universe had allowed me to bring him into my life, it probably would have set me (and him) back quite a bit spiritually.
Yesterday, I had a download about this. If we were given the choice, we would very minimally willingly choose struggle. But so often struggle is what it takes for us to get to the thing we desire. Think about it, if my desire is a loving healthy partnership, manifesting him would have been a temporary victory that didn't really allow me to heal. Neither of us were capable of healthy at that point, and especially not together. Now, I can't speak for him but I do know that he triggered the **ck balls out of me. He brought to light almost every wound and shadow I had around men and romantic partnership. Him leaving was actually one of the greatest gifts I ever recieved. But me from 5 years ago could not be convinced of that. And I def would not have chosen it.
If you find yourself in a situation you don't like right now, take some time to ponder why you might be there. Ask yourself what blessings are in disguise. What you might look back in 5 years and realize about this period of your life. Sometimes all it takes is a little shift in perspective to make the current more digestible while joyfully being prepared for what the future holds. Remember - you are loved, you are supported and seen, and nothing lasts forever.
Sincerely and with much love,
Your Spiritual CFO (aka Robin)