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So, I have a secret – I’ve always been really jealous of other people. Whether it was the way a person looked, their abilities, their car, their job, you name it I could probably compare myself to someone else and find myself lacking. The flip side of this is that I would find ways to make myself feel better by being better than other people. The common denominator between these two patterns is that I was never centered in who I am, or proud of my own accomplishments and abilities. The things I was good at, all came really easily to me, so I never recognized that I had done anything difficult. Instead, I was always comparing myself to this idea of some perfect person I envisioned. Along my journey of awakening, I’ve taken this trait and just shifted the methods and purpose of being perfect. If I could just heal everything NOW, I would be perfect, ok and good. Even though I knew logically this wasn’t the case, internally I was still running the same old pattern. I had to be smart, funny, kind, compassionate, confident, strong, secure in my femininity, successful, yada, yada, yada. But even worse, I had to be all these things all the time. I was not supposed to have a bad day or struggle with something. I always felt like something was wrong with me. I saw others who had gotten to the embodied what I wanted so very badly and felt this deep disappointment in myself. Instead of being uplifted by their progress, I felt like a failure, a complete **ck-up. I would tell myself, “you’ll never get there, they have x,y, and z and you don’t.” The shitty thing about technology is that it gives us all a really easy method to compare ourselves to others and then shame ourselves when we don’t measure up. When happiness and success seem to be measured by someone’s number of followers, friends, or likes we can forget that EVERYONE faces challenges in their lives. We forget that a five second snapshot of some joyful moment does not mean there is not pain and suffering that we can’t see. So, how do we move past this shitty comparison game that no one wins at? Here’s some quick tips I’ve used to help me work through my own jealousy: Acknowledge that you are jealous and recognize it’s normal. Try not to judge it too much because that just makes you feel more like poop. Sit with the feeling. Journal about it, talk about it to a good friend, or a counselor. Just really take a good, hard look at the feeling. Recognize what it is about that person, place or situation makes you feel less than. Ask yourself if this is something you want to take the time to work towards. Notice the good traits you have and accomplishments you have made in your life. Develop and cultivate a habit or hobby that makes you feel strong and capable. When we take the time to shed light on our fears, inadequacies, and perceived faults we actually begin to take away their power. The other great thing to know is that instead of being diminished from someone’s accomplishments, we should be uplifted. I mean, in most things, if someone else can do it so can you. For many of us the issue is that we fail before we even start, because we never try. We convince ourselves that person has something we don’t and that’s why they were able to succeed. We don’t see the years of struggle or effort that was required. We simply see the end point and assume that we’re incapable of accomplishing it. I’m here to tell you that you can do anything you put your mind to. You are beautiful, capable, strong, kind and good. You deserve a puppy, a partner that loves and cherishes you, a job you are excited to wake up to everyday and all the chocolate you want. In short, you are AMAZEBALLS 😊 Love ya’ll bunches.

Hi, my name is Robin and I’m addicted to energy work. Many times along my healing journey, I’ve been forced to face facets of my personality I’d rather not address. During the past three years, I’ve uncovered a few other things I have an unhealthy relationship with and have been working on releasing the grip. But I also learned recently that I am addicted to the way that the act of healing makes me feel. As I’ve discovered, healing can take place through many modalities: energy work, meditation, cupping, massage, body talk, Reiki, you name it I’ve probably tried it (or want to). Healing can also take place through exercises you do on your own that involve identifying your limiting beliefs, subconscious patterns, forgiving others, and forgiving yourself, just to name a few. There’s nothing wrong with any of these modalities or me wanting to do the work. However, the issue lies in what I’m avoiding by engaging in these activities at the level I was for a while. Rather quickly I discovered my favorites in this game we call life. I love, LOVE meditation and energy work. I love the connection to the Universal energy. With both of these, I can float off into the ethers and feel the love and support of the Universe. I feel light, free, and insights come to me easily. I forget the troubles of the world, my world for a bit. I feel connected, special and I can easily access the answers to any questions I may have. Then, enter reality. Oh reality. This place where many times, I’m ungrounded, uncentered, and not in touch with my feelings. This place where I can feel foreign and lost. This place that I’d rather ignore for a bit. See, for most of my life I felt like I didn’t belong here. I felt foreign and odd and like I was supposed to be somewhere else. Since we are all souls living out this lifetime in these borrowed bodies we drive around in, many of us feel very at home when we are accessing universal energy and perhaps not so much so when we are engaging in “real” life. While in this space of pure energy, we are free from the duality of this world, we feel at peace, we feel love and loved. But I’m learning that old saying “too much of a good thing” is really true. I recently started an 8-week healing series with a lovely woman. She told me at the beginning to refrain from any other energy work during my time with her. I listened, I agreed but then some part of me started with the justifications. Oh, it’s ok, “this” is different. “This” can’t be what she was talking about. “This” activity I’m doing is probably ok. She won’t be able to tell. Well, guess what, I was dead wrong. During my fourth session with her last week, there was a glitch in the matrix 😊 After she told me again to avoid other things and the stark reality of not doing ANY other healing for another 5 weeks kicked in, I thought I might lose my shit. How else am I going to feel better when I feel like shit? How else will I get through this boring ass Earth some days? How else will I heal and fix myself in record time? I had this thought that there was no way I could do this. I knew I had to go to meditation or sneak in some other workshop or workbook or healing exercise. Talking to my bestie allowed me to see the gift in it. This forcing me to slow down. To accept what is. To be in touch with my emotions. Because if there is anything I’m still really good at, it’s avoiding my emotions! Meditation removes us from the emotions of this 3d world, it takes us to where everyone is love and light, pure and good. We get to take a break from egos, ulterior motives, karmic cycles and the like. When I find myself back in this 3d business, I feel like I am again in this foreign country called Earth. I am challenged to be with the emotions I don’t like: jealousy, insecurity, anger, irritation, boredom, anxiety, and fear. I am encouraged to be a full participant in life, here and now, good and bad. I am triggered again and again by shit that I felt like I’ve healed 8 million times, only to have another layer come up when I lest expect it. And this time, I can’t really run away from it. In this moment, I am being forced yet again to my next level of growth – loving, accepting and appreciating what arises for me. I am forced to sit with who I am in this very moment. I am forced to acknowledge that life is a journey and I’ll never find myself in one moment cured of my less than desirable traits. And honestly, that’s ok because I’m learning that I’m ok exactly where I am in any given moment. Oh, and if I’m never completely healed, I’ve always got somewhere new and exciting to go (the Big Guy knows I wouldn’t want to be bored).

For a large part of my life I was the awkward, chubby kid. I was clumsy as all get out. In fact, I have fallen down stairs, ran into walls, and broken my arm twice, once in the shower (yes, I was by myself). I did not like my body or the feeling of being in it. Some of the many ways I degraded myself were by eating shitty food, constantly saying horrible things to myself, and not really ever acknowledging or taking care of myself. As if all that wasn’t enough, I found out at the ripe old age of 21 that I would need a hip replacement. This revelation just furthered my belief that my body was in fact my arch nemesis. My body was something that seemed to betray me over and over again. For almost a decade I lived in pretty excruciating pain - working out, having sex, walking, sleeping, riding motorcycles – pretty much anything “normal” people took for granted usually left me curled up in a ball crying my eyes out. But in 2008, I found myself at the Mayo Clinic and met an amazing doctor who agreed that it was horseshit that I was told to wait until I was “old enough” to have the surgery. It turns out having a hip replacement at 29 was one of the best things that could have happened to me. I picked up yoga shortly thereafter and began to develop some of the body awareness I was lacking in my youth. It helped me to gain confidence and to see my body as the gift it is meant to be. Along my personal journey, I started getting into mediation and developing my spiritual practice. I began to learn and see the link between our emotions and our bodies. I learned that much of my prior clumsiness was in large part due to my being super ungrounded in my body. When we are ungrounded, we have an imbalance in our root chakra which doesn't allow us to really be in our bodies. Imbalances can be caused by fear, trauma, illness and emotional wounds. This chakra is the source of our stability, safety and basic needs such as food, water and shelter. Being unbalanced here left me feeling in my head and spacey all of the time, anxious about damn near everything. Over the next few years, I made what seemed to be super slow progress towards becoming more at home in this body of mine. Almost a year ago, a few people suggested I take dance lessons to further assist with my growth. I figured there could be worse ways to spend my time. In fact, since I have always loved shaking my booty, it was not a horrible idea. So, when a friend of mine recommended a good instructor, I decided to check him out. Last July, I started taking private lessons with Shawn Michael White at a local dance studio, Dancing with Victoria. Talk about taking me out of my comfort zone and straight into my body. It was a good thing I loved dancing so much because if not, I would have quit. Just like the guitar, dancing would show me just how hard I was on myself, always expecting perfection. I mean, I had only been dancing six months, but damnit I should look like the instructor by now!!! Those dancing shows make it look so easy, but we forget most of them have been dancing for decades. Being aware of the placement of each part of your body at any given moment is much more difficult than it sounds, especially for someone of my former clumsy status. However, it’s also one of the most enjoyable things I’ve ever done. After each lesson it would feel like I left the studio on cloud nine, counting steps in my head. When I was given the opportunity to perform at the studio’s nine-year anniversary this past weekend, I had very mixed feelings. I found myself nervous, but excited to do something so out of my comfort zone. I was not one who ever strove to be in the spotlight, so the performance aspect was probably the biggest challenge. But it seemed a fitting next step to these last few months which have really been about me stepping into my power and confidence in a way I always wanted but was fearful I would never achieve. During the performances, I even goofed a few times but didn’t totally rake myself over the coals! Baby steps are bueno 😊. I’ve found that building confidence and strength in who we are happens when we get ourselves out of our comfort zones and accomplish something new. Those little accomplishments along the way are something to be celebrated. Every time we enter the room and do the thing, it’s one more small step towards living our authentic self. Many times, the accomplishment can just be the doing and not the perfection of the thing. Even though challenging ourselves can be scary as hell, it does have the effect of making us feel alive on a level many of us never get to experience. When we survive and thrive despite our nerves and anxiety, we step into a place of vulnerability and authenticity that only inspires others to do the same. I challenge you this week to consider the thing that you would really love to do but have been putting off due to the litany of excuses you've compiled. That dance or yoga class, doing open mic night, asking that special someone out. Whatever it is - do it! This life it short and we'll never get to be the best version of ourselves if we don't try a little. Love and light ya'll, Robin

Last week I turned 40 and I had a breakdown of sorts. Leading up to the milestone day, I was super excited and had various activities planned throughout the week. However, as the Universe likes to do – my week looked a bit different than I had planned. A few days before D-day, I got back into town from a trip to NOLA with my bestie who also turned 40 this year. The day before I arrived back home, I was visited by my Aunt flow. For the ladies who don’t experience this and the men reading (who I assume don’t directly experience it either) – sometimes the monthly event can leave you feeling like you were hit by a Mack truck. I was exhausted, cranky, sad, lonely – yea, it was hot stuff. I was in general just having a giant pity party for myself – no one loves me, I’m single on my big day, I’m 40 with no relationship and no kids, no dog, whahhhh, whahhhhh, whahhhh. In truth, it just brought to light a feeling I’ve had most of my life – I’m not enough, I’m not worthy, and my personal favorite: I’m nobody til somebody loves me. I spent 40 years of my life trying to find love through another person, thinking I would just be ok when I did. There are three small issues with this (well probably more but for our purposes, we’ll stick to three) – 1) we attract what we hold inside of ourselves and 2) we have the love of our creator inside of us and don’t need to go very far to experience it, 3) if I did find someone while I was holding that belief – they were also co-dependent AF. So even though I can be very loving and accepting of others, I was pretty brutal to myself on the inside, day in and day out. As energy works, I attracted men who mirrored how I treated myself. They were unaccepting of who I was, they were harsh with me, not very compassionate, they would leave, they would hurt me so deeply I never thought I would survive it. As an empath, always absorbing others stuff, it would become this viscous cycle – I attracted them because I wasn’t kind and compassionate to myself and then I would believe the projection of their own self-worth issues as my own. I felt like I was in a washing machine, getting twisted and turned, never quite knowing which way was up. During the week of me hitting four decades, my feelings were trying to communicate a very key lesson to me. Deep down, I was still living from that old belief I thought I had eradicated. That I wouldn’t be ok or enough until I found my other half. And shit, that’s what so many of us believe. I mean, we are taught that from movies, TV, books, society. In our society, you would think me being single was a handicap. Over the last three years, I’ve done many things by myself and thoroughly enjoyed most of them. I would go to dinner by myself, request a table for one and at times I would actually hear, “I’m sorry” in response. I think it triggered me a bit in the beginning but now I walk in proud to be taking myself out. I’m awesome company and I’m not sorry I’m with me. As fate would have it, that’s exactly what I did on my big day. I got dressed up and I took myself out on a hot date. And perhaps this time I didn’t get any apologies because I didn’t feel apologetic even one tiny bit. We have all bought this crap that the only way to find love is through a partner or as the Course in Miracles describes it, a “special” relationship. We tend to think that one and only one person in our lives can give us the love and attention we want and need. By allowing this way of thinking to continue, we will always want more, we will always enter into unhealthy, codependent relationships, where the mere thought of losing them can make us do things we never dreamt of doing. Now I have a choice, I can keep falling back into the same old lie that I’m not worthy of love or I can choose to live each day knowing that I am surrounded, filled and covered and smothered in the most beautiful love I’ve ever felt. I’m gonna choose to stand tall and walk proudly, knowing that every day I choose myself. I choose to love myself and REALLY be with me for the first time in like forever. I choose to put my needs ahead of others, I choose to ignore the haters and the judgers, knowing that they are simply projecting their own crap onto me. I’m hopeful that you can join me in this proverbial middle finger to the old paradigm. I’m hopeful you can begin to love and accept yourself as deeply and completely as our creator loves us. Much love and light, Robin.

When my amazing dance instructor asked me to do a spot light dance at the upcoming anniversary party at the studio, some part of my being said yes before I had an opportunity to get in my head about it. We’ve been practicing a routine for a bit without a real ending. Recently, he suggested we end the routine with a move called the death drop. As one may imagine, as a newbie dancer, I was not over enthused with doing a move with this name but nonetheless, I am always up for a challenge and again agreed to his suggestion. The death drop entails me grabbing onto him and dropping backwards onto one bent leg while the other is pointing out, kinda a reverse plank of sorts. After practicing the move a few times, he noticed my leg was in the wrong spot and my core wasn’t engaged enough. When he tried to explain it to me, it might as well have been him trying to tell me how to build a nuclear bomb – it wasn’t happening. That is – until I looked down and physically saw my body. You might be saying at this point, what the **ck does this have to do with anything. Just give me a sec, it’s a good one, I promise. While meditating today, I saw the similarities between this dilemma I was having in learning the death drop and life. We are creatures of habit which is beneficial for many parts of our life – we don’t have to think about how to eat or how to drive every time we do it, we learned back in the day and now we just know. For many of us we can multitask because we are doing many tasks on auto pilot because we have done them so many times. The challenge of this aspect of our nature is when we want to make change in our lives. Many times, we begin to notice that we don’t like the way we feel when we engage in a behavior that in the past served us well. We know we want to change but we have no idea how to do so. This has become very apparent to me recently in the area of communication. Growing up I did not know how to communicate my needs or emotions. As I’ve started to become healthier and been striving towards engaging in healthier relationships, I find myself wanting to communicate on a much deeper level than I ever have before. However, you don’t know what you don’t know, right? I mean, that’s all fine and well that I want to communicate better but how do I get there when I have never done it before? The main things I find myself wanting to change or improve on are – 1) no gossiping, 2) speaking my needs, 3) communicating how I feel 4) not being negative and 5) being loving and compassionate while doing all these things. This requires me to constantly “look down” or rather review my patterns and make conscious efforts to change them. Ever the studious little nerd, I find myself using multiple methods and resources to aid me in this endeavor. While “looking down” I have realized a few things - when I am nervous I still ramble, when other people still engage in these behaviors I haven’t gotten to a point yet where I can interject, when I am feeling aggravated I can find myself falling back into these old patterns, I can still be argumentative if someone pushes me, when people tell me what to do I instantly revolt against it. In short, it’s still a work in progress. I mean it took me 40 years to develop such shit communication patterns, so it might take me another 40 to break out of them (let’s hope not though – I am ever the optimist). The key is to be gentle with ourselves while we continue to screw up. Knowing there are no mistakes but only opportunities for us to learn. I mean, how else would I develop better skills if I wasn’t given the chance to have real life situations that stretched me to change? So, thanks to all the situations that trigger the shit out of me, got nothin but love for ya! Love and light, Robin

There are days where being “diagnosed” as an empath has felt like a fatal illness. Ok, maybe not THAT bad, but it can def feel like that until we can gain some control over it. But this knowing also brought with it a huge relief. The first part of my life, I had no idea what an empath was. I just knew somehow, I was irrevocably fucked up. In hindsight, I felt deeper and more strongly than those around me and I didn’t know how to express those strong feelings in a healthy manner. In a society that has learned to numb its emotions, I was labeled as being too sensitive, bipolar, crazy, blah, blah, blah. As empaths, our super power and GIFT is feeling. This becomes a real issue when we disconnect ourselves because it is all becomes too overwhelming. I’ve always loved this joke…..”I’m only running if someone is chasing me”. As you might be able to deduce, I do not like running. Unless, however, it was running from my emotions, then I really excelled at that! Sign me up for a 10k! As empaths, running from our emotions can create real issues for us. For me, the overwhelming fatigue I encountered on a daily basis came from the sheer bombardment of EVERYTHING. As empaths, we feel it all: our shit, their shit, shitty shitty bang bang, good, bad, ugly, indifferent – we feel it like the volume knob has been turned up to 150. As an empath when I said or did things, or sometimes just my mere presence would hit up against someone else’s triggers. I could feel the other person‘s reaction to me, my energy hitting their triggers. For many years I took this instant unknown reaction of theirs and tied it to there being something wrong with me. I felt like I had to control and change my behaviors and actions and who I was, so as not to feel the overwhelming pain of others. The other by-product of me being an unidentified, boundaryless empath is that I truly had no idea who I was. Ha! maybe we should make UBE a thing. I spent years absorbing everyone else and trying to attune myself to the environment that I truly didn’t know much about myself. Ironically, the only reason it was so easy to be overwhelmed by other’s pain and suffering is because I didn’t want to feel my own stuff. So, as many of us do, I distanced myself from my body and my feelings. As empaths, we serve a few purposes with our gifts. We create a giant mirror for peoples suppressed emotions and feelings. If they don’t know what to do with them we can become this emotional dumping ground. When I am unbalanced, this can play out in my eighth and third chakras. I can actually know other people’s thoughts and think they’re my own and also feel their emotions and think they’re my own. With intimate partners I have actually felt physical symptoms they’ve been having because my boundaries were so shit. The other purpose empaths serve is to hold space and process things for other people who are unable to. We are not sacrificial lambs or free energy for all. But if we don’t maintain healthy boundaries, we could be without even realizing we’re doing so. Although we are here to help the collective consciousness we are also here to live out our own life in a way that benefits us as well. Unbalanced, we almost become this electrical outlet for others in our lives. They feel like shit so they’re able to plug-in for a resolution (albeit temporary) to their issues. It’s why complete strangers will come up to me and tell me their entire life story in a matter of minutes. We’ve all been there and know that it feels like someone took an energetic dump on us. One minute feeling fine and the next feeling like you want to rip someone’s face off or bawl your eyes out. I really had no idea that my body, mind and spirit were hanging onto suppressed emotions of my own, and also those of others. I’m not saying that any of this is done consciously or maliciously, but the result is the same. It’s not completely their fault, because on some level, I allowed these unhealthy connections through my lack of boundaries to exist. And really, it’s not my fault that I learned unhealthy coping skills and zero boundaries. But people can’t dump their shit on me unless I allow them to. As empaths, we provide permission because we are not fully centered in our bodies and grounded as we are meant to be. Even though we are all irrevocably connected and ONE we still have separation through our physical bodies for a reason. If not, we would all be this giant ass amoeba walking (or squirming) around the Earth. As empaths we begin to get really clear where our stuff ends and others begins when we recognize and honor the mind-body connection. Emotions are meant to be felt and to pass through us. The Latin derivative for the word emotion, 'emotere', literally means energy in motion. However, when we avoid feeling things because we have judged them as negative or unwanted, they get stuck. These unprocessed feelings and emotions remain in our emotional body and physical body until we are ready to process and release them. When I started to simply allow my feelings, it created space for me to be centered in own physical body. Gradually this allowed for the demarcation of territories between me and others. As I begin to really be with myself and energy in my physical body, I became more intentional in my interactions with others. I also continually developed an increased awareness of how I’m feeling, which allowed me to recognize my own boundaries. A few things that have helped me: 1) As souls driving around in these loaner bodies of ours, the only method for feeling is through our body. This is why the mind body connection is so important, esp if you’re an empath. If we are not fully in our bodies, we miss the feelings and energy flowing through us. Anything that forces me to drop from my head and into my body and focus on my own energy helps me to ground. Meditation, being in nature, breathing exercises, dancing, and yoga are few that have really helped me. When you create time to be in your body in a safe space, it allows you to carry that boundary into more challenging times. Cultivating it is like working any other muscle, we have to practice consistently. 2) Having routines has also been very helpful for me. It forces me to check in with myself at designated times each day. For the morning, I use the Miracle Morning SAVERS method by Hal Elrod, which a dear friend shared with me. Silence, Affirmations, Visualizations, Exercise, Reading and Scribing. For a long while, I would wake up from my dream state and just continue to float through life never fully landing at my body. This morning routine has helped calm and ease my mind, body, and spirit. I also like to schedule mini-meditations or walks during the day. These little breaks allow me to take a break from other energy and just be in my own space for a hot minute. Finally, in the evening a few minutes before bed I like to express my gratitude and thanks for the day. Some quiet time is key to wind down before sleep. 3) Co-creation as a means to be in touch with the flow of God’s energy. Another lovely friend of mine tried to explain co-creation to me for a while but I just didn’t get it. I used to think I wasn’t artistic or expressive at all and I honestly didn't get why it was so important anyway. That was until I started really allowing time and space for those things in my life, now I can’t imagine my life without them. Dancing, singing, writing, art journaling, painting – these are my happy places. Being in a creative space puts us directly into the flow of Universal energy. But if you’re like I was, it was difficult at first for me to let go and be in that space because I had no idea how to. I used Youtube videos, Google searches and basically anything else I could find to give me creative ideas. I avoided this for a while because I thought it was stealing someone else’s idea. This idea of stealing creative ideas is utter and complete bologna because every time we create our own version of something it will inherently be different than the “original.” Good news - the art police haven’t paid a visit to me even once! Overall, I’ve gotten to the point where I love myself more than feeling like I am obligated to be anyone else’s emotional dumping ground. I’ve stopped feeling responsible for other people’s thoughts, emotions, and feelings. It’s not that I don’t feel their stuff anymore, it’s just that I don’t take it on my own anymore. Or rather far less. I am still human being with faults and imperfections. It doesn’t look pretty and perfect every day but each day find my voice little by little. I pray you’re able to do the same! Much love and light, Robin.

Almost 13 years ago, my ex-husband found an ad for wolf-hybrid puppies in the Palm Coast Penny saver magazine that were $100 each. (Yea, I didn’t think it sounded like a reputable source either). To be honest, I was a little hesitate for a multitude of reasons: 1) wtf is a wolf-hybrid, and will it eat me in my sleep, 2) can I get a dog, I thought I was a cat person, 3) did I want to take care of a pet? Despite my reservations, we loaded up one afternoon and drove out into the boonies to check out the pups. When we arrived, I was a bit shocked at the conditions of the “house”. When I say this place reminded me of a Florida version of Deliverance, I ain’t lying. We pulled onto the property and immediately saw tons of broken-down cars that looked like they hadn’t moved in decades, the front porch of the trailer was falling in, and the place was just in general disarray. But we pushed onward! While talking to the nice couple, they share with us that the pups were an accident encounter between their dog and a stray, oh and that they loved Whitney Houston. I think they had about six or seven pups left, with one boy remaining. Since my ex wanted a boy dog we tried rather unsuccessfully for a hot minute to even get him to approach us. The owner even tried picking him up for us and held him tight as he pissed all over her. Alas, even with the piss fest, he would not even get near us. As you can imagine, my ex was starting to back off the need for a boy dog and started to look at some of the female doggies. After a few minutes, we had narrowed it down to two of the dogs and were standing off to the side discussing the merits of both. All the sudden, something told me to look down. At our feet, was this beautiful, little, tan doggy with a face colored like a mask. She had her two front paws on top of a concrete block and was looking up at us, seemingly begging with those beautiful eyes “please take me from here.” She was no dummy and could see the ship to freedom and wanted to get on board. We spent a few minutes meeting her and were even able to hold her on her back (a sign the woman assured us meant she was a good match for us). We quickly decided that we would indeed take her home. On the way home, we tossed around some names and decided that Shelby was it. We made a quick pit stop and grabbed some doggy items and spent the rest of the evening bathing her. A few hours into the process, washing and rewashing and removing fleas and ticks from her, we discovered she was a bright white and not the tan color we originally thought. We had ourselves a new pup. As with much of life, those first years passed with a blur, sequencing and timing losing their ground. But these are the things I do remember: Shelby really loved people or really didn’t. If you were one of here favorites, she sounded like Chewy and would just smother you in the sweetest love ever. But if she didn’t love you or she was protecting her mommy, you could def see where the possibility of a wolf in her immediate gene pool had occurred. Although she could be a bit of a wild card with people she didn’t know, she was always sweet with children. She would cross her paws while she was chilling, she liked laying on my ex's feet. She never destroyed much but would always eat the plastic tips off my shoe laces (only my shoes). Shelby was super intelligent and highly driven, she loved having chores. Some of her self-assigned and quickly learned chores involved recycling, bringing in the mail, carrying things between my ex and I, opening the refrigerator door, and putting things in the trash. Even though for the most part owning her was enjoyable and went by uneventfully, we also had some difficult moments with Shelby. In the span of five years, she tore both of her ACL’s. This injury called for an expensive surgery with a bit of a difficult recovery, I honestly didn’t give a shit if it meant not having to put her down. To see her in pain was perhaps one of the most difficult things I would have to encounter as a doggy mommy. And I was her mommy. since my ex and I had decided to forgo the kids in our relationship, but Shelby wouldn’t have known that – she was our child. When my ex and I decided to end our marriage three years ago, inevitably talk of who would get the dog began. I honestly remember thinking that she was more his dog and she would end up going with him. However, since I had lost my dad a month before and was also now in the middle of a separation and subsequent divorce, I ended up getting custody of her. I have never been more grateful for anything in my life. During the year and a half that I had Shelby to myself, I underwent some of the most excruciatingly painful moments of my life. I had no idea at the time, but many of the events that occurred during that period were part of my spiritual awakening. Events that shook me to my core and made me question my own sanity. I remember feeling anxious, alone, sad, depressed, angry, unfocused, and those were all emotions I had on my good days. LOL. Joking, but kinda not. I just couldn’t be with a lot of people during that time period. What I could do however was lay my head in the softest white fur of my Shelby girl and cry myself stupid. When the day came that I was unable to keep Shelby anymore, I knew I had to give her back to my ex. It took me a few weeks to come to terms with the need to do so and I fought it for a bit. At the time, we were not really on speaking terms and I was afraid I would never see her again. However, we all know how persistent God can be when he wants us to do something. So, I gave her back to her daddy and then I bawled like a baby. I cried every day for what seems like months. I cried every time I saw a dog, I cried every time I went for my morning walk (the first ones I had taken solo in almost 11 years). But I knew it was the right thing to do. I tried for a bit to visit her every few months but there comes a point where we have to allow nature to take its course and not fight the change we are presented with. Fast forward to the call I received this evening from my ex. Shelby at the emergency vet, with cancer and internal bleeding, needing to be put down. I’ve known for a bit this was coming. Call me crazy (you most def would not be the first), but I am connected with that mutt on a soul level. I don’t logically know how I knew, but I could just feel it. For many of us, we typically think of soulmates in reference to human beings – but they are not limited to human form. If we are lucky enough to experience it, our four-legged friends bring the most beautiful, unconditional love we may encounter during our lives. They love us in spite of our negative qualities, our bad days, our stupid mistakes. They just love us – all in – 100%. So, please join me while I take this opportunity - my Shelby girl (aka: Chewy, long face, schmoopy, muttikus, mutt face, poopy, Gene Simmons) I thank you for all the sweet love you gave, I thank you for the laughs and the kisses and that noise you made when your dad rubbed your ear in the right spot. I pray that wherever you're going, you get as many ribs, cherries and pistachios as you can handle. My love for you will never end. Your momma

As half Sicilian, half German, and 100% Wilt I was blessed with a healthy amount of unhealthy anger. For many of my younger years, when I was hurt by someone I loved and cared for, I would lose it. I would fly into a rage and not really have much control over it. There was literally zero space in between the trigger and the blow up. Typically, the biggest trigger for me is when someone would throw something in my face that they knew bothered me to my core. This could be a perceived personality flaw, something they knew I was struggling with, or something I had shared in confidence with them. In retaliation, I would be completely nasty to the other party, going for the jugular using words as my weapon of choice. It all felt justified in the moment, a method to make them hurt as much as they were hurting me. Then in the light of the morning or after I chilled out, I would feel horrible. I always knew on a deeper level, that some things can’t be taken back, even after a heartfelt apology. I hated this aspect of myself and how it made me feel. Each episode would leave me feeling horrible, mean, and like I would give anything to change it. Afterwards, I would mentally abuse myself for my inability to control my anger. After my awakening, and subsequent spiritual journey progressed, I saw this improving. As I mediated and did yoga more and more, my mind and mouth were calmer, and I was able to find those little moments that were needed to stop my old habits. There was a direct correlation between healing the many hurts piled up in my heart and soul and my ability to not turn into a raging lunatic every time someone upset me. I found these little bits of space I had so desperately needed in my younger years. As this space crept in, it allowed me to think a little more before I spoke, texted or whatever method of verbal lashing I WOULD have preferred at the moment. Each time I was able to see more and more of the change I had so desperately longed for. On my spiritual path I learned so much about not taking things personally. I learned many things about the concepts of projection and situations as mirrors. I took time to look at myself when I was bothered by someone else’s actions. I would analyze the situation from a much calmer, more loving place than I ever had in my existence. I learned that the crux of all issues could be found inside of us, not in the external situation which was presented for our learning. The funny thing is that honest to goodness, I just stopped being bothered by so much. In the olden days, I was annoyed by some pretty basic things. As an ungrounded, uncentered empath, I was typically on over stimulus mode and pretty much anyone walking, talking, or breathing “wrong” annoyed the shit shack out of me. But now I am healed, and I don’t get mad, anymore - ever. BAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Oh wait, had to pick myself up off the floor….. The past few weeks have been challenging for me, it has brought the ole trifecta of situations that have triggered me like nobody’s business. They (seemingly) in an instant, took me back to that place of uncontrolled anger again. My pain in the situation, prompted me to say things that were mean and hurtful. I was also able to see, when it seems that I am hurt intentionally by someone, or something, my stubborn side kicks into full gear. However, as with all of life, little baby steps were made in my progression. I noticed that this time I was able to stop myself before I really let my mouth loose, you know, like a three-dollar hooker in church on Sunday. And afterwards, I didn’t completely flagellate myself. I was able to remind myself that I am a human being, who is not perfect. I chalked it up to another learning experience and tried to see what I was meant to learn from these encounters. I shifted my direction to allow for a healthier situation without being consumed by the other party’s feelings. Yay – progress! These situations were also able to show me some valuable lessons. Part of the problem is that, although most of my life these days is rainbows and unicorns, I am still a human being with both good and negative emotions. I found, that in my effort to be so Zen about everything, I was duplicating one of my old habits – not sharing some of my needs, wants and feelings with loved ones. Even though the reasoning may have been much different this time around, it still had the same result. Since I was constantly taking everything and trying to analyze and figure out what the bigger picture was, I didn’t acknowledge the simple fact that I’m still a human being with feelings. When a loved one bothered me by something they did, or didn’t do, or said – I was simply ignoring and suppressing it. I wasn’t sharing how I felt or what I needed in our relationship. Relationships (healthy ones 😊) are all about our ability to be with each other as we shift and grow. This means that sometimes we will piss each other off, we will do things the other doesn’t like – and this is all ok. The key is, and always has been, communication. Communication allows us to understand where the other person is coming from. It allows us to know that maybe the reason they didn’t show up to our important cat sweater knitting party is because they were feeling really sad that day and NOT because they thought our party was going to be lame-o. As we communicate with our loved ones, it allows us to grow closer together, feeling safe saying how we feel. Saying how we feel does not include blame and finger-pointing, but instead allows for the possibility that no one is “right”, but that we may have different points of view. So, if you’ve been waiting for a sign to have that important, seemingly difficult convo with a loved one, take this as your sign from the Big Guy. Put down your weapons and take out the olive branch. After all, “coincidences are God’s way of remaining anonymous.” Love and light ya’ll, Robin.

I attended a closing ceremony for 2018 a few weeks ago. The ensuing analysis my brain did in the days afterwards brought to light just how much has changed for me this past year. It left me feeling like I had been through a decade in the span of a mere 365 days. During this time, I had loved ones that moved on for their highest good, situations I had to leave for my highest good, old thoughts, beliefs and fears crumble. From January to December, it had been this purging of things that no longer served my mind, body and soul. Included in this long list, were things I thought would never leave, things that hurt like hell on their way out, but probably all things that had to go. However, I also had to revel in the things that this year has brought into my life. As the old shit that was clogging up my time and energy fell away, I found my soul’s calling underneath it all. It became easier and easier to stand in my own power and boundaries. It became easier to stand up for what I wanted and needed in my life. For the first time in my life, I was no longer giving this power to others. My old pattern was to go along with things so as to not rock the boat and upset someone else. As you can imagine, this was a powerful shift. Immediately, things I’ve wanted, started to fall seamlessly into my awareness. This year brought me a key lesson - the Universe/God is always trying to bring us what we want on a silver platter. The issue is not the giver (Universe), but rather us (humans) as the receiver. We waste precious time and energy, which is our most valuable commodity, on things that do not serve our highest good and inherently block that which we do want. As this year ends, I challenge you to be prepared mentally and spiritually for 2019. Look at your life where it is now and where you would like it to be by this time next year. So many times, the most pivotal step we can take is simply in the identification of what we want. Start by taking out a piece of paper and writing down each area of your life: 1) Love 2) Job 3) Home 4) Friends and Family 5) Personal development 6) Finances 7) Fun 8) Health Next, take the time to dream big, and put pen to paper to identify your wants and needs. The only restriction to having everything you want is YOU! Get out of your own way for God’s sake. I found when doing mine, I had some old beliefs come up that needed to be worked through. My big ones had to do with career and romantic relationships. My old pesky “you’re not good enough” popped back up. This time I lovingly said hello and allowed it to show me what else had to go. Take the time to look at your own limiting beliefs and determine how you can change those for the new year. There are lots of modalities to assist you – books, workshops, cleanses, yoga, meditation, therapy, energy work. Hit me up if you need recommendations for any! Finally, release it to the Universe. Our other issue in receiving what we want is that we want it to look a certain way. We don’t have to know how, when or what something will look like, we just have to focus on the feeling we want to evoke. Like if you want a job that makes you feel valued, focus on that for a few minutes each day. If you want a romantic partner who values you, and makes you laugh, focus on that feeling. Treat the Universe like a giant ass Santa who lives with you year-round. I swear, you will manifest what your heart desires, if you just get the hell out of your own way. Love and light ya’ll 😊 Merry Christmas.

So, there is something I want to share with you about myself that’s not very attractive. I guess if you know me well enough, this is no great surprise 😊 So, here’s my big reveal - in most situations, I am a know-it-all. I consider myself fairly intelligent and my mind is always processing and figuring things out on some level. As the old version of Robin, I thought that I had oh so many things figured out. As someone who can clearly see things, I could readily analyze and determine what others could do to “fix” their lives. I really couldn’t fathom why other people’s lives were a hot mess. Of course, the big assumption here is that my life was correct and on track. I guess on some level in the old paradigm, it was. In my life I had garnered a fair bit of success in my career and financial life so, to the outside world my life prolly looked pretty stable and on track. However, I now realize that much of my outward focus was a coping mechanism to avoid what needed to be resolved internally in my own life. Let’s get down and dirty and talk about the shadow aspect first. In my life, this know-it-all attitude developed four main issues for me. (The nerd in me likes to number things) 1) I never had to look at my deeper issues because I was always so outwardly focused on my own goals and also what everyone else was doing. This is a trap that is easy to get caught in. We can ignore the deeper issues by distracting ourselves. One of the reasons I was so hard on other people is that I also extended this same rigidity and criticism to myself. The expectations I put upon myself from a very young age were completely unreasonable. I was raised in a very strict household that was firmly led by a Marine father who was gifted with six children (five of whom were girls). It seemed that the main belief that was instilled in me from so early on is that nothing I did was right. Everything, I mean EVERYTHING, was constantly picked apart and corrected by my dad. I think on some level we became his little troupe, feeling like we had to do something to be accepted. However, given the high standards, we never felt like anything we did was good enough. 2) By always focusing outwardly, I ignored my own internal pings. This manifested in my life on a very basic level - I didn’t believe in myself. I could doubt even the smallest of decisions, making myself crazy over minuscule details. This has been a challenge for me because I do have great intuition but many times I block myself from accepting my pings. I keep out the great things that are waiting to come in because I don’t believe in my own worth or my own ability. 3) I can’t learn anything if I think I already know it all. When we think we know everything, we miss out on beneficial opportunities, things that God or the Universe has brought to us for our highest good. We completely miss these gifts because we are too busy thinking we already know everything. Or worse, we judge it before we’ve even experienced it - I.E: I don’t like guys who drive Jeeps, or that movie with an actor I don’t care for, or purple velvet. God doesn’t want us to have everything figured out, he doesn’t expect it, so why do we? He just wants us to remain childlike and constantly observing and living life with wonder and joy. This life is meant to be fun and exciting, not the drab, dreary existence so many of us have made it. 4) This trait of always striving to be better has also been a double-edged sword in the arena of self-acceptance. I had the realization lately that self-acceptance and growth are kind of the antithesis of each other. Historically, I was so outwardly focused on my goals that I was forgetting to just take time to accept myself exactly the way that I am. However, in order to find peace, there is a delicate balance that has to be found between the two. For many of us, fully accepting ourselves as we are, while also acknowledging the areas in which we have room for improvement can be like walking on a balance beam in the middle of a hurricane. I don’t want to completely knock this personality trait, because like all things it also has it positive attributes. It has also helped me to be a person who is constantly striving to be better. I love learning and incorporating new ways of doing things into my life. I am always analyzing and reviewing what needs to go and what I can allow into my sphere of reality. Also, I am typically the friend that people turn to for advice because I can be fairly objective. As can happen, when we really do the work, these little puzzle pieces start to click into place for us…..like a giant ass Tetris game. These moments of deep soul awareness or knowing come over us in what seems to be a flash For the past few years, I have heard ad nauseum that God loves and accepts us exactly as we are. As such, we should extend this same acceptance towards ourselves and others. During a talk last Sunday night that a friend hosted, the speaker talked about how God loves us no matter what. In this moment, it’s like I REALLY heard it and took it into my very soul. I was so overcome by the love and acceptance that I felt from God, I couldn’t stop the sobbing that ensued. I couldn’t believe that the creator of everything loved me so deeply and completely. In an instant, I knew that acceptance of who I am, doesn’t stop me from becoming who I am meant to be. On the contrary it gives me the freedom to move towards those things knowing that I deserve them just because I AM. Because I AM a child of god, because I was created, because I was made in his image. I pray that you might feel this love and acceptance as I have, as we are all meant to. Love and light 😊

A few years ago, when I started noticing I had anxiety it seemed like it came out of the blue. Now looking back I see how cute and naïve that belief was. The first part of my life, there were kinda three distinct periods of my life 1) childhood where all my beliefs were installed and programmed into me, 2) the middle of my life where I did absolutely nothing other than wallow in my own depression, not leaving the house for much of anything and 3) the final period before my awakening. During this time, I was like a crazy woman. This period involved filling every waking moment of my day with some task until I passed out around 9 or 10 every night. I literally had 4 jobs at one point. Why? I have no idea. But I do know that I was mentally, spiritually and emotionally exhausted. During my years of go, go, go I would wake up first thing in the morning and have this tightness in my chest this overwhelming feeling of things just not being ok. Those moments were probably the only point during my day I could actually hear myself think. On some level I knew just how unhappy I was, just how much I was drowning in my own shit. But in true Robin form, I just kept pushing forward. It wasn’t until very recently that I was reminded why I would feel this way (like just this morning). Even though I’ve grown so much the past few years and have healed so much of my past wounds, I still wake up feeling like this some mornings – tightness in my chest, the worry that I’m not safe or protected. This morning, it was caused by a dream last night that reminded me of a pattern I used to have. However, this pattern has not actually had an opportunity to act itself out in my current life. It was instead presented to me in my dream to bring it out into awareness. I initially didn’t want to admit it to myself because it brought about shame on some level. Like, this is so stupid…why do I feel this way? But in the quiet, still hours of the morning, I can’t hide from my feelings or the wound that is begging to be looked at. I was reminded on my walk and talk this morning that all our issues want is awareness. Awareness is simply the acknowledgment of our shit. And I swear to Bob, that’s all it wants. I don’t know why or how this works, but it does. You know how in AA they say, “the first step is admitting you have a problem.” Yea, it’s kinda like that. For many of us, the morning is a time where our heart and soul can speak to us. But for many of us, we don’t always like what they have to say. In the quiet of the morning, other distractions don’t have an opportunity to drown out these simple, soft callings of what we REALLY want and need. Although many of us do, we are not meant to live years in pain and suffering. Nah, the contrary is true. Our feelings and beliefs just need to be brought out into the light. As soon as we allow ourselves to do so, we begin to heal. This is why talk therapy and writing help so much with resolving things we’ve long kept buried. When beliefs are kept in our head, circling over and over again (I’ve lovingly dubbed this mental masturbation) they just continue to create our reality for us, going completely unchecked and resolved. The other problem my overachieving ass came up against along the way is that when I started healing things, I wanted everything to be “fixed” right away so I could be “normal”. And really, since I suffered from the perfectionism disease, I wanted to be perfect. At some point I just started acknowledging and accepting that once the jacked-up belief came up I could just trust that it would be healed when it was ready. Not when I wanted it to, not when I thought I’d had enough, but when the Universe had rung every last bit out of me. For some of my really deep beliefs, I needed a lot of time to heal them. This was super frustrating for me, I am someone who wants to get things done, to push forward – but that’s not how God works. God knows exactly what needs to be healed and the little, intricate steps that will get us there. It is our job to know the end goal, not the plays in the middle of the game. This is why following our intuition is so key. God has all the little things lined up for us along that way that will peel back one more layer of the wound. I mean, if I developed this crap over 39.5 years, it would stand to reason it’s gonna take a hot minute to heal. If you are starting to have these moments of fear, anxiety or an overwhelming belief that you are ****ed up beyond belief, it’s ok! We all are in some manner 😊 Just remember to acknowledge your feelings and beliefs, if only to yourself in the beginning. Then when the time is right, God will lead you to the person, place or thing that will aid in your healing. Remember – the entire Universe and God are on your side! They want you to be healed oh so badly. We just have to be in the flow and allow the world to be our oyster. (Such an odd saying since oysters aren’t that big, but whatever.) The utter beauty of my healing has blown me away so many times. Looking back, I see so many things that were presented to me at exactly the right time - the book I picked up and opened up to a passage I needed to read, the text message a friend sent me with an article, hearing about a cleanse that my body needed, the list goes on and on. Don’t take this healing journey as seriously as I used to - make it fun, it's meant to be. During our individual journeys we get to try new things and have exciting experiences which are all ultimately for our highest good, pretty darn cool actually! Until we meet again, Love and Light ya’ll!

Part of the healing journey involves talking to people about my own prior beliefs or limitations. However, moments when I share some of my deeper, darker, more embarrassing wounds – like where I was insecure, chubby, totally awkward, and in general lacked any bit of self-confidence, sometimes people look at me like I have three heads. This look is typically from the women (but not always) and it suggests that I have no room to say that I’ve struggled with insecurity, lack of self-confidence and my weight for what seems like most of my life. However, this insecurity that I wasn’t enough on so many levels shaped so much of who I was, I can’t help but share it. The picture at the beginning of the blog shows me in late elementary school. And it may surprise some of you, that even when I became grown woman, this is what I used to look like in my mind most times. I was the chubby girl, who looked like a boy and had to wear the husky pants from Sears. I developed too earlier into a family that did not really celebrate women’s curves or really anything that made you different from the rest of the pack. I was already the odd one out with my older sisters and my appearance was no different. They could usually wear each other’s clothes, shit – even my feet were bigger than theirs. And, inevitably, in a family that learned to verbally abuse each other when we were upset, where do you think they went with their jabs? Yep, that’s right, the fat card. So, for almost half of my life I heard how fat, ugly, and awkward I was. This was also carried over into my school days where I was made fun of for how I looked and probably a few other choice things that we won’t go into here. But, you get the picture….For a number of years all I heard was how my looks just didn’t stack up. I wasn’t attractive or even “right” on some basic level. In fact, I heard it so much that I adopted it for my own internal dialect. Knowing what I know now about how words and environments shape us, it should come as no surprise to me that I grew into a woman who did not like the way she looked. It didn’t matter that as I got older and started taking care of myself, I thinned out a bit and was able to grow out my hair. However, even as the outside changed, I still thought of myself as that chubby, awkward girl from my childhood. Like many other things, my looks fell nice and tidy under my perfectionism disease, where I (like most women) felt like I had to look a certain way to be attractive. I used to look at other women and feel this incredible desire to be like them. I thought other women loved themselves in a way that I felt I never could. I wanted to feel secure and confident, to love the way I looked. But I always seemed to feel this lack and my shortcomings were just reaffirmed from the constant stream of outside stimuli. This didn’t stop in my immediate surroundings but was also reinforced by the constant bombardment from society, media, men, but worst of all – the cycle continued with other women. Unfortunately, as we know, women can be each other’s worst critics, judging other women on their looks in a merciless manner. I know most women can relate to me when is say that the worst snub you can receive is actually from other women. Since we are all irrevocably connected, another woman snubbing you is like having some very deep part of yourself tell you you’re not enough. As you can imagine, these can become some pretty difficult beliefs to dig up and overcome. I think it started to change about 9 years ago when I began going to Bikram yoga. If none of you have done Bikram yoga, it’s what I lovingly refer to as Nazi yoga. It’s very structured, with the same 26 postures each class ,done in a room heated to about 105 degrees. You stand for the first half of the series, staring at yourself in these mirrors that line the front of the studio. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, just you and the freaking mirror. Oh, and these flexible ass, beautiful women surrounding you, wearing next to nothing, making the postures look like they were going for a walk on a cool, spring day. Well, maybe not that easy but pretty damn close. And, as is that wasn't enough for me to overcome walking into that room, I also had to overcome my physical limitations. I found yoga because I had to have a hip replacement at the ripe old age of 29. Yes, a total hip replacement. For a long while, every time i practiced, I felt like everyone else could see and was taking note of how shitty I was at the postures. And when my yogic performance wasn’t the source of their judgments, they could see and were taking constant inventory of how big my butt, or my thighs, or my stomach was, how weird I was because of the giant scar down my right hip. At that time, I really had no idea that people typically don’t give a crap about what other people are doing in yoga. But at times, some part of me, standing in this hot ass room with all my insecurities under a spot light, I thought people were secretly heckling. Yes, I know, the human brain is a crazy thing, because just like me they were probably focused on surviving the heat and not croaking. Over the eight years that I did Bikram, I found a transformation of myself and how I felt, and this translated to loving myself just a little bit more. I was even shocked when a few of the people that had been doing it for a long time would make comments about how I was killing it in class. ME???????? What have ya’ll been smoking? Maybe that was the beginning of me realizing that as people we don’t see ourselves as others do and also just how hard I used to be on myself. At some point, I began a natural progression towards more gentle forms of yoga. I think that as I became more gentle and compassionate with myself I also craved that outward reflection. I started doing Yin, Vinyasa, Kundalini, and Ashtanga. I started to notice, they were yoga styles that actually allowed me to BE in my body for once. I think Bikram or hot yoga is wonderful, but for me there seemed to be a bit too much ego still involved it the practice. In hindsight, I believe this shift of styles is where part of the real magic started to happen. For the first time in my life, I was just enjoying how my body felt moving through the postures. I even started to smile to myself when I would fall out of a posture or when I just simply couldn’t do it because of the limitations with my hip. The old me used to get pissed off and frustrated with myself because I couldn’t hold a posture or even really get into it. Kinda defeats the purpose of yoga, huh? The other really big shift that happened for me was gradual and I didn’t even notice it creep up on me. As I began to change the way I treated myself on a day to day basis, I began loving myself more. I also began to do some deep work and really look at and deal with a lot of the old beliefs I had. I slowly came to see many of these thoughts, feelings and emotions about who I was, were actually things I had inherited from other people. So here I am, almost 40 and I’m closer to loving and accepting myself than I’ve ever been in my life. I even try to love the insecure part of me, because whether I want her or not, she’s still part of me. I find myself being ME more and more and guess what – I’m pretty freaking awesome! I mean, in all of time and space, there has never been another me, EVER!!!!!!!! I’d say that makes me pretty cool. I still have my moments where I feel like I’m not enough, or I catch a feeling from another woman that makes me feel like I have a bugger on my eyelid or something, but for the most part, I’m just comfortable being me. And, I’m also more comfortable feeling the insecurity and knowing it is an emotion that will pass (if I’ll allow it to) and it doesn’t define me as a person. For someone who never thought she’d have or experience this, I am extremely grateful.